Have you been told by either your friends or family….
Hey , you are always so busy.
You never slow down?
I never see you anymore?
I see your posts on facebook or instagram, you are so busy.
You make me tired just reading your posts?
Why do you have to do that or go there?
You need to slow down?
I can’t keep up with you?
What do you even do?
These are direct comments that I used to hear from people and still to this day hear from some people.
The only difference is that I am older, wiser and have a few grey hairs.
You see, my busyness is different now and has a different kind of purpose then before.
But let me rewind.
I have always had a to do list going.
Whether it was helping my family, friends or co-workers. I would also double book myself and be at a few functions, parties or going from one job to the next.
My day would be filled with 5-7 things.
Busyness was just something that came natural to me.
I feel that I learned this trait from my mom. She was and still is the ultimate to do list guru. When she does something, she is always looking for the next thing.
Fun little fact. When I was younger my mom made a ‘fun game’ called The Clean Up game. We would do this frequently before my dad came home from work. When 4:30 pm hit. My mom would yell for me and my siblings to come downstairs. We would have the ‘to do list’ with a bunch of items that we had to cross off. The music would crank and we would clean like mad for 20 minutes and boom he would come home to a spotless clean house.
So you can see that my ‘busyness’ comes very honestly.
My busyness became my fulfillment for feeling purposeful and satisfied.
I felt needed and wanted.
My busyness is what made me feel like I life was happening for me and that stuff would magically happen because somehow an opportunity would arise in what I am doing or I would get lucky because I was ‘putting’ myself out there.
It wasn’t until my breakdown that I realized just how serious things were but still at this point I had no idea that I was addicted to being busy.
You see I thought what I was doing was being normal. Many people are busy. I wasn’t that special.
I was feeling very frustrated, sad, without purpose, unworthy and very unhappy with all this ‘hard’ work I was doing and not seeing any payoff.
I still had not seen any opportunities. I would be on social media and seeing all my friends happy, getting job promotions, moving up in their roles and I was still finding myself in the same position and like I couldn’t catch my breath.
As I was working one day doing some research I came across an article on depression. I started reading it and saw that depression has many forms and can come in many ways.
For example. You can find yourself being ‘busy’ instead of staying in bed all day. This caught my attention because I literally had no idea that I was doing that until I started reading the article and it finally made sense.
I want to share a few things that might help you the same way that they helped me
Being busy is not a bad thing but it has to work in your favour, where you are working on you, your goals and staying in your core values.
If you are not then you are going to find yourself in the same position that I found myself.
I was living my life for other people. I wasn’t living life for me. I had no idea what I wanted. All I ever knew was what I didn’t want.
Here are 5 examples of why you might be addicted to being busy.
1) You’re Afraid To Say No
I know for me that saying NO is very hard. I like to be accepted and feel most comfortable when on good terms with others. So when people ask for our help, either socially or professionally, our usual reaction is to say yes.
It’s only after we’ve said it that we realize what we’ve agreed to. This is fine providing we really do have the time and resources to do what’s required. We feel good helping others. However, sometimes this always is not the case.
Saying yes too often leads to stress, feeling anxious and sometimes bitterness and resentment. We want to do our best for others so we push ourselves to the side and then the anxiety takes over. This can really beat us down mentally, physically and spiritually. Especially when we stop looking after ourselves and our well being.
2) Being Busy Fulfills The Guilt
If you are busy then you must be important. That is what I thought.
This could not be further from the truth. When I first started out working part time as a business owner. I felt guilty every time I was hanging out with friends, family, because I wanted to be successful and the only way I could do that was I had to work on my business 24/7.
However breaks, downtime, reflection, rest is just as important as working on or in your business.
Feeling bad about not creating, achieving, or working hard can be a real energy sucker
3) You’re Always Comparing Yourself To Others
Since I have been a little girl I have constantly compared myself to other girls and copied how they dressed, looked, acted and ate.
I had been scared to be my own person. My mindset was if I copy other people then I will be okay.
If you’re still not sure, think of the last time you checked your Facebook or Instagram feed.
How were you feeling before you looked at it and and check in with yourself after.
For me. Its a work in progress because I will always feel like I should be farther than I am, or going on this trip or buying something for my house.
But in reality when I am present and in the moment that is the truth.
Living your life and comparing yourself to other people is setting yourself up for disaster and failure.
Be happy with who you are.
4) Fulfills The Silence
For some, being still can scare us. I hated doing nothing.
Ask my husband!
It made me feel bored and always felt like I was missing out if I wasn’t doing anything.
I would sit on the couch and think of stuff from like 1 week ago, 1 month ago, 1 year ago and then sometimes would go to the lack that I have in my life and then feel bad about it.
I realized that I was staying busy fill the silence, escape reality, or avoid actual problems.
5) To Run From The Past
Are you starting to see a pattern here? The past is typically another thing people like to avoid at all cost.
I have learned to accept my past.
Of course there is so many things that I could and would do better but then I would not be who I am today.
Acceptance is the key to moving on and letting go.
We can change the past but we sure can learn from it and grow.
Compulsive Doing Syndrome: Tell Tale Signs
- You are running through life, not living.
- You are tired but work on autopilot.
- Your calendars are jam packed, yet you try to fit more.
- You flaunt busyness.
- You have no time to eat and coffee is your staple diet.
- You have no time for family.
- Your ‘to do’ list is miles long.
- You are too busy to even breathe.
- Your answer, excuse, reason to anything and anyone is the word ‘busy’ with adjectives ‘very’, ‘crazy’, ‘extremely’.
This blog is meant to be an eye opener and for you to see that we all have busyness going on.
Its choosing the right type of busy and working smarter not harder.
How to make it work for you…
All I want you to do from here on out is to look at your schedule and see what you have going on.
Start going through your days and see what is working for you and what is not.
Check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Are you wanting to do the task or are you feeling obligated?
Are you doing this for you or for someone else?
Are you excited? Or feel annoyed?
Do you feel happy the job or task is done?
These are just some questions for you to ask yourself. If the answer is NO. Then you know your not doing it for you.
Some things we have to do and can’t avoid or get out of. Its how often are you doing this that often tends to be the problem!
What else can I do?
By focusing on you, even for one weekend not only are you going to feel amazing, strong, powerful, fulfilled, happy, relaxed and have flow in your life. You are going to feel less stressed, anxiety, depressed, frustrated and resentful.
I am extremely passionate when it comes to this subject and is why I created the WANDERLUST Retreat.
The Wanderlust Retreat is a vacation for women who want to learn strategies to put themselves first. To give them time to work on themselves. To relax and learn to understand their own needs around work, life, health and family.
This two day retreat offers organic whole food meals created with love, clean forest air, sleep in comfy beds with forest sound lullabies, friendly staff and some amazing sessions guaranteed to address many of the struggles that may weigh you down.
Want to find out how you can be apart of this! Click the button below to find out more!